Kim Jong Il Jokes on the Net

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Kim Jong Il PuppetJung Man Yong, a farmer at a collective farm in North Korea, catches a large fish in the river. Exalted, Jung comes back home and asks his wife to fry the fish.

“We can have fried-fish for dinner!” said Jung.
“But we don’t have oil.”
“Then, let’s have steamed fish.”
“We don’t have an iron pot either!”
“OK, then let’s just grill it.”
“There is no firewood.”

Angrily Jung goes back to the river and lets the fish go free.

The fish circles around and jumps out of the water, yelling “Long live the General Kim Jong Il!”

At the museum, there is a painting in which Adam and Eve are holding an apple.

A Briton says, “They are Britons. The gentleman is sharing a delicious apple with a lady.”

A Frenchman says, “They must be French. They are walking around in the nude.”

A North Korean says, “They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food but think of themselves as living in paradise.”

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a North Korean are having a conversation.

The Briton: “I feel happiest when relaxing before the fireplace on a winter night.”

Frenchman: “You guys are too old fashioned. I feel happiest when I go on vacation with a beautiful blonde and then beak up with her up on my way home.”

North Korean: “One night, somebody knocked my door. When I opened the door, he said ‘Kang Sung Mi, You are under arrest!’ I felt happiest because Kang was actually my neighbor.”

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit in Moscow.

During a break, both are so bored and decided to test whose bodyguard is more loyal.

Putin calls his bodyguard Ivan first and tells him to open the window and throw himself off from the twentieth floor.

Ivan cries “Your Excellency, why are you doing this to me? I have a wife and a kid.”

Putin apologizes and lets Ivan go.

Then Kim Jong Il calls his bodyguard Lee Myung-Man.

“Lee, jump off from the window.”

Without saying a word, Lee tries to leap from the window.

Surprised, Putin grabs Lee to stop him from jumping and says “Are you crazy? You will die if you jump from here!”

Lee struggles to jump, saying “Let me jump! I have a wife and a kid.”

Kim Jong Il inspected a collective farm and found some cute little pigs. He decided to take a picture with those pigs. That evening, a North Korean newspaper editor was put in the awkward situation of writing a caption for that picture to go in the paper.

“Well… ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il among pigs..’”
“No, ‘The pigs are with Comrade Kim Jong Il.’”
“That doesn’t work either.”

Finally, the paper was published the next day with the caption, ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il is third from the left.’